Trump Sends His Son-in-Law to Lose a War
By IFLA (Australia)
JD Vance flew to Pakistan to negotiate with a civilisation that’s been doing geopolitics since before white people invented trousers.
Vance brought his wife.
Not a deputy secretary. Not a general. Not even a halfway competent mid-level State Department lifer who at least knows what the Strait of Hormuz is on a map. He brought Usha. His wife. To a war negotiation. The most consequential diplomatic moment since the end of the Cold War, and JD thought, yeah, I’ll make a long weekend of it, bring the missus, see Pakistan.
Pakistan received the Iranians with their Foreign Minister, their Army Chief, their National Assembly Speaker, and their Interior Minister, all standing on the tarmac in full ceremonial dress.
America sent the guy who wrote a book about how sad it is to be from Ohio.
And then there’s Jared Kushner. Jared fucking Kushner. A man whose entire qualification for any of this is that he married into the right family, which, by the way, is also his business model, his foreign policy experience, and apparently now his military strategy. Jared has the energy of a guy who’s never been told no in his life because everyone around him was either paid not to or too scared to. He walked into the Middle East peace process last time and achieved absolutely nothing except making himself several hundred million dollars richer. So naturally, Donald called him again.
Jared Kushner at peace talks is like bringing your plumber to do brain surgery because he’s good with pipes and you trust him.
These are the two men sitting across from a 71-person Iranian delegation that includes parliament leaders, national security chiefs, military commanders, economic teams, legal teams, and technical committees. Iran brought technical committees. America brought a man whose last big deal was selling floors of a skyscraper to a Saudi wealth fund.
The Iranians named their delegation “Minab 168” after the 168 children killed in the school strike. They put the school bags of dead kids on the plane. They walked into that room carrying the weight of 168 dead children, and they looked across the table at Jared Kushner in a slim-fit suit, and they thought, yeah, we’ve got this.
(𝑆𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑙 𝑏𝑎𝑔𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑏 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐼𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑎𝑛 𝑓𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝐼𝑠𝑙𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑏𝑎𝑑. 𝑇𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑚/𝐴𝑏𝑏𝑎𝑠 𝐴𝑟𝑎𝑔ℎ𝑐ℎ𝑖)
Iran’s lead negotiator said on landing: “We have goodwill, but we do not trust.”
JD Vance’s lead qualification for being there is that he once compared himself to Hillbilly Elegy, which is a book he wrote about himself, which is the diplomatic equivalent of listing “self-described great guy” on your CV.
Pakistan declared public holidays. Sealed the entire Red Zone. Deployed 10,000 security personnel. Painted the gutters. Put up flags. Moved every guest out of the Serena Hotel for the whole weekend.
Iran got a state reception fit for a conquering army.
JD and Usha got stairs.
And somewhere in a Mar-a-Lago dining room, the aluminium siding salesman with the IQ of a concussed house brick is posting about tankers on Truth Social, absolutely convinced he’s winning, because no one in his orbit is allowed to tell him otherwise, and the two blokes he sent to Pakistan to save his legacy couldn’t find the Strait of Hormuz with both hands and a geopolitical GPS.
Iran didn’t just outgun America in this war.
They outclassed them at the peace table before a single word was spoken.
And Jared Kushner’s going to try to get a finder’s fee out of it somehow. Watch.
